...days away from stepping into a new beginning...

i came to Detroit, specifically Hamtramck just over four years ago. Terrified and insecure, yet madly in love with Jesus and determined to obey his call, I left the safe suburbs of Grand Rapids to move to Detroit, a city notorious for its poverty and crime. I moved to join a group of people determined to know Christ and share the message of Jesus to a city lost in sin. I've learned some of the most valuable lessons one can learn while living here. Some lessons have been learned through failures, some from the incredible sermons and teachings I've had the privilege of listening to, some from private chats, and most from watching the people around me live their everyday lives determined to bring honor to God. Its been an incredible journey; a journey that will carry me to Grand Rapids in just a few short days. This time as I move, i will move with confidence, unafraid of what lies before me, still madly in love with Jesus and with an even greater determination to obey his call. Its a hard move for me. I've grown to consider these people my family. God is doing incredible things in and through them and will continue to do his great work. The church is growing, people are being reached and discipled. And as long as there is one person in this city without Jesus, these people will continue to fight for them. Its hard to imagine moving away from them....but there is so much joy in obedience, knowing God has something incredible planned for my life and the city of Grand Rapids...so to those of you that I have had the honor of having in my life and sharing my life with: thank you. For serving. For loving Jesus. For loving others. For loving me. For sharing truth. For exposing lies. For not allowing me to settle, but always pushing me toward greatness. For teaching me how to hear Gods voice and obey. For challenging me to be better, to do better. For calling me out when I was being stupid. For encouraging me when I was weak. For praying with me and for me. For believing.

For showing me what it means to "live a real love from a real God in a real world."

Its been an incredible honor fighting alongside you in Detroit. Thank you. I love you.

continuing the fight...on the other side of the tracks,

whit

I experienced something yesterday that I won't soon forget. I visited a young 9-year old girl in the hospital. Her name is Tara. She is quickly dying of cancer. It was a saddening sight. Tara lie there in and out of sleep, waiting for death. Her mother, exhausted with worry also waiting, watching her oldest of 4 suffer.

Tara has lost all her hair, her body is bloated from the medications, her voice is destroyed from the cancer that started in her throat. A raspy whisper is all that remains. She can't swallow and is forced to frequently use suction to clear her throat or her breathing is threatened. She receives all nourishment from the tubes running into her arms. The cancer is slowly and painfully killing this little girl. Medicine patches on her stifle the pain but cause Tara to spend the last months of her life in and out of a deep sleep. Slowly, the doctors are removing the tubes that keep her body hydrated and nourished. Soon, these tubes will be completely removed. She will eventually die of dehydration. Her mother explains this to me without a single tear, numb to the reality of whats becoming of her little girl. She says it all seems like a bad dream. Unfortunately, it is not.

And yet, while this little girl lies dying, she lives. Her bible sits on a shelf but a few feet from where her head lays. Her mother reads it to her sometimes. At one point Tara becomes frantic until her mother finds it. She doesnt want her mother to read it to her now. She just needs to know that its there. Tara is weak, but she is "still sassy" her mother tells me after being sprayed by a can of Silly String because she said something Tara didn't like. She is surrounded by stuffed animals, high school musical posters, and happy birthday baloons. Her mom covers her up with a Zac Afron blanket. Tara, between gasps for breath and after gaining enough strength to whisper moans... "other....way..." She wants the blanket turned over so everyone in the room can see his face.

Her mother Crystal shares some of her thoughts. the pain. the questions. She's hurting. But she is hopeful. She knows the Lord.

I found myself with my face buried in my pillow last night, tears stinging my eyes as I began to pray for Tara and her mother. I found myself asking God some of the same questions Crystal probably asks him too:
Why this little girl, God? Why like this? You have the power to heal her- why don't you? Are you sparing her from something worse? Can I take her place instead God, she's only 9 years old!? If the same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in me, can you use me to raise her up? Will we ever understand?

I dont have the answers to these questions, exactly.  But I know my God is sovereign and He will do what he knows is best. I know my God loves Tara more than her mother or any other person possibly could. I know that my God has a plan, a plan that we may never understand on this side of heaven. I know that God carries our burdens- they arent meant for us to carry alone. I know that He doesnt give more than we can bear- even when what he gives seems like an awful lot. I know God can make good out of every situation- even crazy horrible situations. Ultimately, I know that God is in control. I choose to trust Him.

My hope is in Him. And I will continue to pray for Tara. And I will continue to pray for her mother Crystal....join me?

woah.

asking..expecting... believing...